• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Cheaters

The word cheating in its self makes many peoples blood boil let alone the physical aspect of it. I’ve never really understood the logic behind cheating especially when you’re no longer a teenager. If a person decides they no longer want to be faithful/monogamous just leave the relationship but NO selfishness makes them want to have their cake and eat it too. Men are often stereotypically said to be the ones who cheat more commonly, however, both genders cheat so it cannot be put on one sex.


Everyone’s relationship and what they perceive as cheating differs. So both people in the relationship need to first agree what constitutes cheating. For me personally any type of physical/sexual contact that goes further than a hug means a boundary has been crossed. Cheating does not have to be only physical. Inappropriate verbal interaction is also cheating. The way I see it is simple, anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partners eyes is not appropriate because if it was you wouldn’t limit it to only when they are not around.


Cheating should never be excused or justified but upon researching these were two of the reasons I came across quite often as to why people stray:


Relationship issues

The most common reason people give for cheating is problems in the relationship. I personally find it to be an excuse that doesn’t wash, we all experience problems in relationships it’s life. If you love your partner you should spend all your energy trying to fix the issues in any way possible. You should not be looking for excitement and comfort elsewhere. If there are genuinely unfixable problems then a break up might be the best option to avoid more hurt.


Alcohol fuelled night

People often associate cheating with being drunk. Although I agree that being intoxicated definitely impairs judgement it can in no way be to blame for an individual’s actions. You have full control over the amount of alcohol you consume and if you are getting to the stage were you engage in cheating due to your alcohol intake then maybe it’s time to quit drinking. A person drinking excessively and cheating is them just attempting to find an excuse for their behaviour rather than owning up to their wrongs. (Jamie Fox song blame it on the alcohol seems to have caused this lol).


Moreover the question of whether you should forgive a cheater is a hard one to answer unless you have been in the situation personally. Many of us say what we would do if it happened to us, but we could do the total opposite if actually faced with it. All I can really say in regards to cheating is the situation should be accessed accordingly. Some say once a cheat always a cheat. It is up you as an individual to decide whether you genuinely believe it’s something that won’t occur again. One thing I would say is if you do decide to forgive a cheating partner avoid constantly bringing it up. If you have chosen to forgive someone leave the past in the past. (I'm sure its harder said than done).


To conclude one should not cheat on their other half regardless of the issues in the relationship. People often blame their infidelity on reasons such as that, but it is really just a cop out that is not acceptable. If you genuinely cannot refrain from extracurricular activity outside your relationship get out of it. It is not morally correct and unfair to your other half. Lastly the person being cheated on should never blame themselves for their partners infidelity it is no ones fault but theirs.


I would love to know your views on this topic, have you experienced cheating? If yes, what was the reason/s if the person come up with any?

ASK TINUKÈ

This is an advice section is for relationship based questions and dilemmas. 

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