• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Dating Deal Breakers

Following on from my previous post which was on dating, I decided to remain on that topic. This time discussing dating deal breakers.

Before I go any further I should first explain what I mean by dating deal breakers. These are traits a man or woman possesses that you are not attracted to or won’t be able to tolerate or accept going forward. Although many stick to their deal breakers, others ignore them and don’t view them as significant enough to get in the way of pursuing someone.

There are individuals that believe particular deal breakers come down to being shallow, especially if it’s in reference to looks. However wanting a potential partner that has a particular build/look for instance comes down to preference in my opinion. Let’s be honest we have all been guilty of being attracted to someone based solely on physical attributes.

On the other hand there are some who take physical preferences to the extreme and will give no leeway at all. Although I believe it’s good to go for what you want, there is no such thing as perfect so finding someone with every trait you want could prove extremely difficult.

Upon writing this post I made it a priority to ask individuals what some of their dating deal breakers were, so I could incorporate some of them into this post. That way it wouldn’t just be from my point of view but instead a wider perspective. So let’s look at a few, I have not listed them in order of importance.

Past infidelity

Once a cheat always a cheat! Although I’m not sure whether I believe this to be true, a significant amount of people do. A person who has cheated in past relationships is a put off to some and a reason one may refrain from getting to know an individual further. Whilst a past cheater can be an immediate red flag, others believe the person will change and won’t do the same to them.


Age ain’t nothing but a number is the mind-set of some but for others age matters. Some don’t want to go for someone much older or younger than them as they believe they may be in different stages of life than one and other. I also believe others deem age as a deal breaker out of fear of how others/ society will view it.On the other hand there are individuals who strictly only go for someone older than them as they feel they are much more mature. However life has taught me that age doesn’t measure maturity. This is a deal breaker that comes down to the individual.


Dating someone strictly based on their height could be viewed to some as shallow but I believe it’s down to what one wants. Many women I have spoken to have stated they would prefer to date a man taller than them but it’s not a big deal. Whilst others said there would be no budging and that someone shorter than them is a no no. This could be applied both ways as a shorter man may not want to date a woman that’s considerably taller than himself.


Religion is a massive deal breaker for many as some want someone that shares the same beliefs as them and that they can attend the same place of worship with. Others don’t deem difference of religion to be a deal breaker as long as both people involved respect one and others views.

Although you can initially see past the difference of religion it could prove to be a problem further down in the relationship, especially when you have kids and can’t agree on different aspects like what holidays they celebrate etc.

Jobless due to laziness

Let’s keep it real, in this day and age there are reasons that could result in an individual being unemployed for e.g. being laid off and health issues.

However, there are some people who are jobless due to laziness or simply lack of ambition. Many who I’ve asked both personally and through a poll I carried out, expressed that and individual being jobless is their biggest deal breaker if it is not for reasons beyond their control, which is totally understandable. Some can see past this and attempt to motivate the person in question, but in all honesty you can only help someone that wants to be helped.


There are many habits that some can’t deal with and smoking is one of them. I personally wouldn’t date a smoker as I can’t tolerate the smell and don’t want to be a passive smoker if I am being honest. Some are able to look past the fact that someone they are dating smokes as they believe they have the potential to get them to quit.


Poor hygiene was a common answer in both the males and females I asked about their dating deal breakers. Fact is no one wants a person with traits such as bad body odour and bad breath these are not acceptable and will put one of dating you further especially if it's a regular occurrence . Poor hygiene is both a turn off physically and romantically.

This issue can be addressed but some won’t even view it as discussion worthy and will choose not to pursue things further.

Different long term goals

Some may think it’s too early during the dating stage to ask what one and others family goals are etc.,however I am the opposite and think these things should be asked pretty early on. Do you see yourself being married one day? Do you want kids? These are standard questions that I believe need to be asked. If you are a person that wants to be married and wants to have kids but the person you are dating doesn’t it’s best to know from the start instead of finding out when feelings are deeply involved. If you don’t want the same thing long term why waste time? Unless of course you are willing to compromise or hope they will change their mind down the line.

I was unable to write about all the deal breakers that I and others may have. Writing this post has emphasised the fact that we all have preferences, some we may be willing to compromise and others we are not. Men and women also have huge similarities in terms of what they consider to be deal breakers.

This post has also inspired me to do a post on dating deal makers, which will discuss the traits that you find desirable during the dating period the ones that tick the right boxes in your quest to taking things further.

Thanks for reading, I would love to know what some of your dating deal breakers are, comment below


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