• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Dating In This Era ( Part 1)

In this day and age dating has become a scary prospect with many claiming that they don’t trust another’s intentions. “They’re are all the same” is a phrase I tend to hear way too much in reference to one gender categorising the other.

We have all had bad experiences and scenarios that occur with the opposite sex but should we then generalise the whole gender as bad? Simple answer is no! It’s a very close minded view to have. In this big wide world not every male or female poses the same attributes as the other. Do not allow one bad situation to cloud your judgement and stop you from dating and exploring what could be in the future, and essentially meeting "the one".

Dating in this era seems to be harder than it once was, I base this view mainly on what I personally hear and what I seem to see being said on social media platforms from a variety of different people on quite a regular basis. I decided to write a post on some of the issues I feel may arise when dating and how they may be avoided at times.

Let your intentions be known

Okay, so when you meet someone in the first instance you don’t necessarily know if you’re going to marry him or her. However you know what stage you are at in regards to looking for something serious/ something more casual.

I personally believe this should be addressed pretty early on in the “getting to know you stage” as it leaves no room for confusion.

If someone you’re interested in/dating says from the start I am not looking for anything serious, whereas you on the other hand are, its easy to recognise quickly you may not be on the same page. if you therefore make the decision to stay pursuing, it’s at your own risk. You cannot be annoyed with the outcome later down the line, because you knew what it was and chose to still invest time and energy into it, knowing this person did not want the same.

Many individuals often believe they can change someone else’s mind “they don’t think they're ready, but I am different, I will change them”.

Of course individuals can believe they don’t want to be in a relationship but as time progresses and they spend more time with a particular person they become more open to being in a relationship. Is it however safer to just date someone who states they have the same intentions as you from the start? That is a choice only you can make.

Selling dreams

I genuinely hate the phrase “selling dreams” but it’s pretty self-explanatory and I believe it can also relate to my previous heading on making your intentions clear. Although there are honest people out there, many are not. Selling dreams for those who don’t know, is in short saying one thing to someone but not coming through with it/making a promise that you know full well you cannot keep.

I am sure this has been happening for years but this era is where the term sees to have been coined and really been put into practice. A person engaging with you and allowing you to believe they have intentions of having a future with you simply for personal gain is the reason why so many are left paranoid and questioning what they are being told even if it is in fact genuine .

One can say don’t be gullible but some have mastered the art of lying and convincing. However don’t ignore the warning signs, if an individual repeatedly lies even about minor things take note, because lying makes everything questionable. Dating would be so much easier if you “say what you mean and mean what you say”.

Talking on the phone is okay

In this digital era where means such as WhatsApp exist do phone calls even take place any more?

WhatsApp and other social media platforms aid us in being able to be in frequent contact with others but I do believe a phone call as communication is important when in the dating stages. WhatsApp messenger comes with far too many issues, to name a few- “He/ she hasn’t opened my message but they’ve been on-line”. One word answers lead you to believe this persons upset when in actual fact they are probably just busy. A phone call leaves far less room for misinterpretation.

I am not saying phone calls are going to save the dating world but maybe consider having a nice conversation over the phone as opposed to messages packed with emoji’s. I can guarantee most individuals frequently run out of data but have over half their minutes left at the end of each month. I am guilt too, I’m guilty!

Enjoy the moment

Enjoy the process of dating and enjoy the company of whoever it is you’re getting to know. What brought me to this, is the craze of social media and how I believe it stops us from enjoying aspects of our lives to the full potential. An amazing dinner date somehow always makes it to snap chat /insta story with some of us even showing every course of the meal. The constant posting of the location of the date and what you’re eating and drinking makes it seem like you are going on the date more for the sake of picture purposes and less to get to the know the person your dating.

We need to learn to put our phones down and just enjoy the then and now, it seems that many of us including myself believe if we don’t snap it, it didn’t happen which is ridiculous but true.

We need to go out on dates and simply enjoy one and others company, get to know that person on both a mental and spiritual level and forget about the digital world. I am sure you have heard the saying “the best moments don’t make it to social media”~ Rosalynn Mejia


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