• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Does Your Partner Give Their Phone More Attention Than You?

I thought long and hard about what my next post should be about, I even changed the topic of what I was originally writing about. I wanted this post to be about something that I could relate to and that I knew others could also. In this post, I will be addressing how fixated and easily distracted I believe this generation is with their smart phones, especially in the presence of their partners and how it can have the potential to cause issues in the relationships if it is not nipped in the bud.

Let’s be honest, in this day and age the majority of us love our phones and frankly can not function without them. It’s not necessarily the handset but more importantly the apps that are on them. Whether it be instagram, twitter or snap chat, we find ourselves in a situation where we constantly want to know what’s going on in the digital world, but can this be taking a toll on our relationships and if not now will it eventually lead to problems further down the road? I say yes, if there is no balance. Of course it’s the 21st century and smart phones play a significant role in society, it is now easier to reply to emails efficiently, communicate with family and friends and  also a platform to promote and run a business. However like with all things in life, balance needs to be maintained, especially if it results in you neglecting a partner.

Relationship issues caused by an obsession with our mobile phones

Communication issues Obsessive phone usage can lead to issues in the relationship in regards to communication. Individuals are so engrossed in their phones these days, which is resulting in them communicating with a partner over platforms such as WhatsApp/text instead of face to face. Addressing an issue via message can lead to miscommunication which is why face to face is always a better option. If something is misunderstood in person it can be cleared up then and there. Whereas a message can lead to more prolonged arguments and a more heated row may follow.

Attention diversion from your partner to your phone.

We have all been there! Giving our partner the side eye because they have been on their phone the whole time you’re supposed to be spending together. You’re having a cuddle but one of their hands is scrolling through instagram. You need to be able to give your partner your attention when spending time with them. Of course no one wants to come across as jealous or insecure especially over a smartphone but who wouldn’t be annoyed if a phone is getting more attention than them. This could also come across as you value your smart phone more than them.

Unnecessary arguments

Being on your phone 24/7 or too much can lead to disagreements, so why not avoid that by cutting your phone use down? Of course many of us have the habit of continuously picking our phones up to see what is going on as believe we are missing out on something if we do not do so. However we need to make a conscious effort to know when not to pick up the phone, like not during a romantic moment.

How to prevent this issues:

Ditch the phones on date night

Try to avoid using your phone during a date night or a romantic evening. I am sure whatever notifications are on your phone can wait a few hours to be read. Imagine having a lovely dinner with your partner and all of a sudden a beep comes in and you read and reply. Me personally I would be extremely annoyed and naturally will assume that whatever is happening on your phone is of more importance than me. Of course there is situations where emergencies occur and a notification cannot be ignored, however unless this is the circumstance ignore the message.

Do you do the same?

Personally I do believe that this generation has become so reliant on social media, myself included. I find myself constantly checking my different social media platforms to know what’s going on. When we first wake up instead of greeting our loved ones we are checking our phones for notifications which should not be the norm. Hell some of us are even upset when we pick our phones up and have no notifications. However, we need to ask ourselves why are we so reliant on interaction on social media on such a continuous basis? Why do we need to constantly check what everyone is posting? Why is your phone the first thing you look at in the morning and the last thing before you go to bed? Especially if your other half is present. We need to ask ourselves: if I gave my partner as much attention as I give my phone would my relationship have the potential to be better? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, maybe you need to reevaluate how much time you spend on your phone.

How to address the issue

Lastly, I do believe people seem to get very defensive when topics such as this are brought to their attention, but the conversation needs to be had. It just needs to be approached calmly. No screaming the house down because the fact is many people are stubborn, if they feel they are being attacked they may latch onto the thing you're telling them not to the most. Which in this case is a mobile phone. Try to have a heart to heart conversation with them where you tell them exactly how this is making you feel and express the fact that you feel like you are lacking bonding time when together due to their phone usage. Hopefully this will bring about change or even a cut back or even better an agreement can be made where at certain times there is no phone usage and just time for you both. The fact that someone is asking you to use your phone less around them should be seen as a compliment, they want your attention and company.

Thanks so much for reading. Would love to know your views on this topic. Does your other half give their phone more attention than you?  Comment below


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