• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Why Do People Forget About Friends When In A Relationship?

Why is it that some people forget all about their friend/friends when in a relationship?

Don’t get me wrong of course when you get into a relationship dynamics change. You may not see friends as much or talk to them on the phone as often. However some individuals act like their friends do not exist.


This is how I see it, in the early stages of a relationship it’s understandable that socializing with friends may not be as frequent, and conversations on the phone may be limited. Hell I’ve been guilty of that. We call this the “HONEY MOON PERIOD”. This is where we spend hours on the phone to this particular love interest or we find ourselves wanting to spend as much time as possible with them trying to get to know them better. Most friends are aware of this particular stage in the relationship and respect the fact that you are putting your time into this.


Moreover there comes a point when friends won’t be as understanding. Especially if this becomes a long term scenario where you are constantly blowing them off and ignoring phone calls. This can escalate into a bigger issue that results in friends assuming you do not value their friendship or they are only good when you are not in a relationship.


Some of these friends were probably around before your partner even came on the scene. Friends are also a support system and will be the ones there for you if a problem occurred in your relationship. You can’t abandon a friend and then all of sudden come running back to them if things unfortunately fall apart, that’s called using at least that’s what it is perceived as.


Furthermore, individuals need to understand that their partner doesn’t want to spend 24/7 with them, they may not say it but they are probably thinking it. (Unless there control freaks that is). They want you to have a social life outside of them, just like they would like to spend time with their personal friends without you at times. You may also eventually share mutual friends but that shouldn’t be at the expense of your own friends. If you and your partner was to end the friends you met through them are likely to choose sides.


To conclude one should always remember to find a balance like most things in life. As we grow up it's inevitable that we will be in serious relationships which will mean we spend most of our time with our partners. However we should never forget about our friendships and ensure we make the necessary efforts to maintain them. “It’s not about having time it’s about making time”. On the other hand always also bear in mind that when some individuals get into a relationship they are so blinded by love that they may not even realise that they are making no time for friends. Address them appropriately and express how you feel, if they do not change after that then it’s up to you to decide wherever you can still continue that particular friendship.


I would love to know your views on this topic, please comment below.

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This is an advice section is for relationship based questions and dilemmas. 

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