• Tinukè Olatunbosun

Would You Date You?

This is not a trick question, simply a thought-provoking one. One I believe requires reflection, accountability and self-awareness, all of which are essential in my opinion.


Many of us, myself included, have a mental list of requirements, sometimes unrealistic. This consists of the attributes we look for in a potential partner. We critique those we are dating to ensure they are a suitable mate.


Whilst I am an advocate for having standards and not dropping them, it’s necessary we bear in mind that possible love interest also have a list of ideal traits they look for. It’s important we ask ourselves every now and again, ”does my attributes and toxic behaviour traits (yes we all have them) fit the requirements of the person i seek”


What triggered me to write this post? Honestly self-reflection! We all say we want a partner to accept us “flaws and all”, after all, none of us are perfect. However, I do believe that some flaws can be refined, for me, patience is an attribute I struggle with.


I can ultimately choose to ignore it and adopt the mindset of ‘If he loves me, he should live with it’, which is a pretty selfish and unfair stance to take, it is also likely to result in issues in the long run. Also, If the tables were reversed - would I be okay with accepting a man who lacked patience? The answer is NO, this should be, and is, fuel to want to work on this particular area. After all, how can I want what I can’t give in return?


Let's look at a few ways we can kick start the journey to becoming the best version of ourselves..


Focus

We need to shift our focus! Less energy needs to go into finding the one and more energy needs to go into being the one, when the one comes along. I hope the word play didn’t go over your head?! My point is that we should focus more on ourselves and what we bring to the table and less on what others bring to the table.


Self-Awareness and Acceptance 

Being self-aware plays a significant role in becoming the best version of ourselves. Identifying what is desirable about ourselves and what we have to offer assists with self-esteem and confidence. On the other hand, knowing our flaws and accepting them, is the first step to change  We can’t change what we are in denial about. When we know what are problem areas are, we can begin to positively necessary changes.


Embrace Singleness

Embrace your singleness, don’t spend time dwelling on the fact you are not currently in a relationship. Trust the process and embrace this time, use it as a period to learn and work on yourself, don’t let the world rush you. Instead, invest time and energy into yourself and unlock the greatness that is within, this will result in you manifesting the right person, who will compliment you, into your life.


Stop Dwelling 

There are many reasons why we may adopt toxic traits, it can be past hurt and relationships that trigger these traits, regardless of the reason, we need to actively work on them. We cannot dwell on the past as it will hinder our future. 


I hope you enjoyed reading this post and understood it’s main aim, which was to highlight the importance of reflecting and working towards the main goal ”BEING THE BEST VERSION OF YOU”

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This is an advice section is for relationship based questions and dilemmas. 

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